02: Coming Out to Adults

“Are You Out Yet?”

I never really come out to people physically. I find it less stressful to put it out there on my Instagram and let people figure it out themselves. I still fear talking about my sexuality with friends in real life, and the idea of coming out to an adult was simply wild.

Coming Out to A Teacher

I came out to a school teacher — it was probably the most straight forward coming out I’ve ever done. Just for a bit of context, I started talking to her because I was getting stressed with school work and I wanted to talk to a teacher (solely talking to my friends wasn’t enough). I’m not in any of her classes but she was my teacher for a time management program at school. She said we could look for her anytime (plus she gives cool vibes!), so I thought she might be good to talk to.

Rainbow chalk on black
Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

How My Teacher Reacted

Here’s a snippet of our conversation:
Me: I have stuff to tell you!
Her: Yes yes I’m all ears.
Me: This might be a bit heavy, so I have to make a few disclaimers. It’s totally okay if you don’t know how to respond…

Me: Arghh I don’t know whether my shivering is caused by the coldness or my nervousness.
[I was literally shaking; my legs were shaking, just like how they would when I’m playing guitar on stage]
Her: You’re probably just nervous!
Me: Okay, so as you know I’m not that great at talking to my parents. We don’t have the closest relationship (mentally). There’s this thing that really boggles my mind… Not at the moment and not on a daily basis, but still quite often. Not that I HAVE to tell them about it, but… I’m struggling to tell them about my sexuality.
Her: What are you most worried about telling them?
Me: Hmm… Being a disappointment maybe?

Her: *jokingly* Were you scared of how I would react? Like I would kick you out of this room?
Me: Haha no no, I had to say it because it’s my defence mechanism.

What I’ve Learnt From Our Conversation

I don’t remember all the exact words, but everything went real smooth. She admitted that she couldn’t personally relate to my experience, but told me stories of what her friends and family members had to go through. She didn’t react too much nor too little. Everything was just right. It was the perfect reaction.

Tips From Rain Dove

As I’m writing this, I remembered reading some great Coming Out Tips from Rain Dove on Instagram. It’s quite different from all the tips I’ve seen out there! I used to think that being defensive would be the best way to come out to my parents, such as saying, “I probably am your biggest disappointment” or “you guys probably want to disown me now”. But after reading this I definitely changed my mind.

Last Words

If you are someone who is struggling, I hope you know that you are amazing, valid and worthy. It might get easier over time, it might not. But before you expect someone else to accept you, you first need to love yourself.

--

--

18 HK×Syd. I need a platform to contain my overflowing thoughts about what matters to me or constantly bugs me. Hope it inspires you in some way;)

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Leticia Liao

18 HK×Syd. I need a platform to contain my overflowing thoughts about what matters to me or constantly bugs me. Hope it inspires you in some way;)